I hate hotel bath towels.
So thick and fluffy...I can't even close my suitcase.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it, but it does keep the sheets of my legs at night.
Did You Know?
Replacing the potato chips with grapefruit as a snack you can lose
up to 90% of what little joy you have left in your life?
Normal people trying to flirt: "Hey, you're cute. We should go out sometime."
Me trying to flirt: "So, do you like bread?"
Me: Hear about the guy who made a knife out of cheese?
Me: It's sharp cheddar.
"The difference between America and England is that Americans think that 100 years is a long time,
while the English think that 100 miles is along way." - Erle Hitchner
--- News Headline: Lindsay Lohan Bitten by Snake On Holiday in Thailand
Me: I don't understand how a snake even begins to organize a trip like that!