Surviving depression

[Concord]

I've encountered news of 2 suicides this week.
One was a friend's niece, aged 23.
The other was an old high school buddy.

I've suffered through 2 major bouts of depression in my life.
The first was in my late teens. It grew severe and lasted years.
The second was later on and was largely work related.

In my teens I was becoming reckless and uncaring and was lucky I didn't become a statistic.
I never considered ending my life, but I can understand how truly dark things can get.

I think on all the good stuff that has happened for me since those times, and all that is to come.
I think about the good that I have done, and will continue to do. I think about all the people I love.
I think about how my ever-growing understanding of myself (and the world) has given me great peace of mind and happiness.

So if you ever find yourself in a very dark state, remember that you will get through it.
Don't miss out on the joy and peace and adventure that is coming your way. Don't give in.
It is a fight worth fighting, Brother, for yourself and for others. Believe it.

 

[Bulletpoint]

Ok this is a heavy post to comment on. But yeah I've seen some dark stuff in my life, too. You seem like a good guy, from what I read from you here and from the times we fought virtual wars together with Josey Wales.

 

[rocketman]

If you find yourself in a dark place or know someone who is - reach out. To anyone. There are suicide prevention hotlines where you can talk to a fellow human being and unburdon your deepest darkest emotions too. Sometimes it can be enough to change the path toward being in a better place. Therapy can work. Try it. It is hard to face the problems in your life, but if you can manage to do the hard work it can be a work of wonder. It can give you the tools (it has given me several) to cope with dark emotions in a more constructive way. Another way to sort out difficult emotions is to write. I've done it and it helped me a lot. There is something about putting a pen to paper (don't do it on a computer) that channels the emotions, make them concrete and possible to grasp and tangle with. Things become connected and real and thus a little less scary. And that little shift can be all that is needed. And don't be ashamed. There is still stigma surrounding mental illness, especially among men and talking with men about it, but thankfully it is less so now than ten years ago.

 

[Concord]

Women talk a lot openly, but for most of us guys it's just not our thing.
Suicide rates for men can be high because of it. The death of my high school buddy came as a shock.
Very often, people give no indication of how much they are hurting and how much strife they are in.

For me when I was in late teens and early twenties, I became...let's say, disillusioned with everything.
A cynicism that bordered on nihilism. I felt that the world, society and all people were fake and banal in the extreme.
Pointless. Schooling, mindless work, and then death. Everything seemed utterly drab and without meaning.

At first, I turned to booze and drugs. That only made things worse.
Eventually - in pure desperation - I started to read. Psychology, philosophy, spirituality.
I looked into religions, but they offered me little comfort.
I read far and wide, including esoteric stuff, like NDE's (near death experiences).

Gradually I was infused with greater knowledge and understanding. About myself, consciousness, people, the world.
And the possibilities that there was much more to reality than meets the eye (I have had some amazing first hand experiences in this regard).
It changed my perception. Over time, my reality became enriched, and the opposite of what it used to be.

 

[Josey Wales]

@Concord so sorry to hear about your friend and your friends niece, 23 is way way too young.

That's a pretty brave an open post, I can relate to it. I lost a good friend to suicide through schizophrenia before his 30th and a couple of years ago my wife's brother ended his life which was and still is really tough on her.

Looking back I think I must have suffered from a bout of depression around my mid twenties. Everything seemed bleak and pointless. I felt anxious all the time and I was drinking very heavily although this was hard to see at first because I was brought up in a very boozy culture which normalised heavy drinking. I used to drink both socially and by myself. I have no idea if this is linked to any of my experiences as a serving soldier in my late teens. I brought myself back by quitting the drink which I had managed to do by the age of 30. I stayed teetotal for 3 years and that brought a huge amount of focus to my life and I was in a better position when I did start drinking again. At first it was only a bit here and there, then it got quite heavy again by my late 30's when I met my wife. My wife comes from a culture which doesn't really put much emphasis on drinking alcohol and I soon found myself cutting way back again.

I'm not religious and was never brought up with that background. I thought I was an athiest and I really like watching Dawkins and Hitchens on YT but after reading their books I realised I wasn't as far down the line as they were. I love space and science and could listen to Carl Sagan, Brian Cox and Neil DeGrasse Tyson all day. I've found that Alan Watts has helped me reconcile my understanding of science with an understanding of the meaning of life which has also helped me reduce my overall anxiety.

Now I have a drink maybe half a dozen times a year, always in a social situation. I feel as if I have total control over it whilst still be able to join in on birthdays or Christmas. I had a nice glass of port at a meal 1 week ago and that was the first alcohol that has passed my lips since New Years Eve.

Thanks for the post.

 

[Bulletpoint]

I thought I was an athiest and I really like watching Dawkins and Hitchens on YT but after reading their books I realised I wasn't as far down the line as they were.

I actually haven't read their books, but I did watch some of their youtube clips. In what way did you realise you weren't as far down the line as they were? You found their position too extreme?

 

[A Canadian Cat]

I too have not read any of Hitchen's books or the recent and controversial Dawkins one either. However "Selfish Gene" and "The Blind Watch Maker" are amazing. They shaped and changed my understanding of just how amazing scientific discovery process really is. I have little interest in philosophical debates at "I'm right" / "you are wrong" level. But the truths you can discover in those books and science in general show that many others should stay in their philosophical lane and not try to say my philosophy says scientific discoveries are false.

 

[Concord]

I consider that psychology, philosophy, spirituality and science have one thing in common.
Their primary goal is an exploration of...reality.

These disciplines (including science) can be powerful tools on a personal level.
Looking up at the night sky and knowing there are billions of galaxies out there still fills me with wonder and awe.

I'll have that opportunity again tomorrow night - I'm going camping with my teenage sons.

 

[Bulletpoint]

I'm going camping with my teenage sons.

That sounds like the best possible cure for depression.

 

[Concord]

Unless there's a zombie apocalypse. That'd be a bummer.
Then again, maybe the wilderness would be the best place to be.

 

[Meat Grinder]

Unless there's a zombie apocalypse. That'd be a bummer.

Nah. It would be an adventure!