The drunkard

[Johnsy]

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.

They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink.

He tried it and said, "It’s red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That’s correct", said the boss. Another glass.

"It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She brought in a glass of her urine.

The alcoholic tried it."It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!"

 

[Corsaire31]

Reminds me :

A guy comes to his office on Monday morning and says to his work mate :

" Got to go to the doctor this afternoon, my right arm aches like hell, I can barely move it..."
Work mate tells him " Don't go to the doctor, it's too expensive.. they have a new machine in the Supermarket. You put 1 buck and some of your urine in there and the machine tells you what your problem is. This way you can go at lunchtime and not waste an afternoon of work"

The guy is very sceptical, but nevertheless decides to give it a try... Puts 1 buck and a small glass of urine in the machine. Some lights go on, machine makes a calculator noise and a little piece of paper comes out :
"You have been playing too much during the week end, you have a tennis elbow. Strap your arm and don't use it for a week..."

The guy is impressed. Then he comes back home in the evening and thinks it over... Tells the family he needs some urine from everyone for a genetic test.
Takes a glass, puts inside his own urine, the one from his wife and from his 15 year old daughter and mixes the whole thing.
Then has another idea, puts some crap from the dog, and finally masturbates himself directly in the glass.
Gives it a good shake, and the next day heads for the supermarket at lunchtime... Pours the content of the glass into the machine and 1 dollar in the coin slot.

Machine works as before, lights go on, calculator noise, but it takes a lot longer than the day before.
The guy says : " I got you this time, you don't know what the hell is going on there.."
After a while, a long piece of paper comes out of the machine and the guy starts reading.

" Your dog has been eating strange things and has worms. Please take dog to the vet as soon as possible"
" Your daughter is smoking too much grass and drinking too much alcohol. Please have a conversation with her as soon as possible"
" Your wife is going to have a baby and you are not the father. Please get in touch with your lawyer as soon as possible."
" Oh I almost forgot... Stop masturbating yourself, it's bad for your tennis elbow !!"