mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
- Start date
"Does it come in a bottle?"
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Yup!
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What's something a teacher said to you that you'll never forget? Some funny stuff here. 
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1. "I was failing calculus during my senior year. My teacher came up to me and said, 'I honestly don't think it's mathematically possible for you to pass this class.' I asked, 'Are you sure?' He sighed and said, 'Yes, I'm sure. I'm a calculus teacher.'"
2. "Me: 'Sorry for being late.' Teacher: 'No worries. Sorry for starting on time.'"
3. "Myself and 13 other of the 'best and brightest' in my suburban high school were in AP calculus A, the most advanced math that you could study in that school. Our teacher was going over some parts of projective geometry and, as we struggled, he remarked, 'A 14-year-old French kid living in the 17th century came up with this and you are having trouble figuring it out. You aren't that smart.' It was exactly what kids in our position needed to hear."
4. "My high school physics teacher liked to scream: 'This isn't Burger King math. You can't have it your way!'"
5. "My AP English teacher told me, 'You grow flowers on your bullshit,' after reading one of my essays. I think it was the first time a teacher used the 's-word' in front of me. It's still one of my favorite compliments."
6. "I said, 'I could be wrong, but isn't it xyz?" to a question the teacher asked that nobody knew the answer to. He was a hardass and would not move on until someone answered, so I threw a guess out. He said, 'Well, you're right. You are wrong.'"
7. "You have to know where the box is in order to think outside of it.' There was more to it, but that was the essence."
8. "If any of you have any comments, write them on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box.' Said while pointing at the recycling bin."
9. "It wasn't me, and I don't even remember the question, but my high school earth science teacher asked a question to the kid in the back who clearly wasn't paying attention, and he responded, 'Uhh, 7.' And my teacher was like, 'Hmmm, a NUMERICAL response. Interesting, but the answer is sedimentary.' Still cracks me up randomly."
10. 'Write what you're thinking. Don't think about what to write.' —English teacher from 20 years ago."
11. "My friend's teacher once told her, 'The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.'"
12. "Biology teacher: 'Hey [classmate], put your phone away before I take it.' Classmate: 'I don't have my phone.' Teacher: 'I observed chimpanzees for three months in order to graduate. I know when you are using your phone.'"
13. "I told him my dream was to be a singer. He said, 'With that voice?' Then he studied my face and said, 'Not with that face either!'" (Ouch!)
14. "My math teacher once told me, 'Don't try to understand math. Just use the formula and calculate.' My math grades actually improved after this wisdom."
15. "A teacher once told me, 'Nobody's going to pay you to stare out a window.' Well, I became an air traffic controller and got paid very well to do just that."
16. "That was a rather astute answer considering you didn't read the book."
17. "High school language arts teacher giving us a lecture on grammar: 'There is a big difference between a man who is hung and a man who is hanged.'"
18. "Questions, comments, concerns? Bribes?"
19. "Never rip a fart bigger than your own ass.' —My geo teacher in sixth grade."
20. "I had a teacher in high school who also played for the SF Giants in the '60s. He once said to me with his loud booming voice, 'If you were as smart as you are loud, you'd be the biggest genius in the room!'"
21. "While in a computer graphics class, the professor was explaining the math behind something, and it was going over our heads a bit, so we started zoning out. He noticed we lost our focus, so he said, 'Come on, guys, it's not rocket science.' And then he paused and thought for a second before continuing, 'Actually, this is used in rocket science, so pay attention!'"
22. "'I have some errands to run while you do your quiz. If, for some reason, you feel the need to cheat on a 12th-grade drama class quiz, you probably have a personal problem I can't help you with.'"
23."'Nothing gets by me. I can hear the grass grow.' —Random substitute teacher."
24. "Put it in your brain and remember it."
25. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you.' That shut my wise ass up for the rest of the class and I still remember it to this day."
26. "My government teacher said, 'If you make the rules, then you will always win.' Oof."
27. 'In a word, no. In two words, no no.' —AP Lit teacher."
28. "My sixth-grade teacher told me I had the attention span of a French fry."
29. And: "Don't be sorry. Be different."
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1. "I was failing calculus during my senior year. My teacher came up to me and said, 'I honestly don't think it's mathematically possible for you to pass this class.' I asked, 'Are you sure?' He sighed and said, 'Yes, I'm sure. I'm a calculus teacher.'"
2. "Me: 'Sorry for being late.' Teacher: 'No worries. Sorry for starting on time.'"
3. "Myself and 13 other of the 'best and brightest' in my suburban high school were in AP calculus A, the most advanced math that you could study in that school. Our teacher was going over some parts of projective geometry and, as we struggled, he remarked, 'A 14-year-old French kid living in the 17th century came up with this and you are having trouble figuring it out. You aren't that smart.' It was exactly what kids in our position needed to hear."
4. "My high school physics teacher liked to scream: 'This isn't Burger King math. You can't have it your way!'"
5. "My AP English teacher told me, 'You grow flowers on your bullshit,' after reading one of my essays. I think it was the first time a teacher used the 's-word' in front of me. It's still one of my favorite compliments."
6. "I said, 'I could be wrong, but isn't it xyz?" to a question the teacher asked that nobody knew the answer to. He was a hardass and would not move on until someone answered, so I threw a guess out. He said, 'Well, you're right. You are wrong.'"
7. "You have to know where the box is in order to think outside of it.' There was more to it, but that was the essence."
8. "If any of you have any comments, write them on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box.' Said while pointing at the recycling bin."
9. "It wasn't me, and I don't even remember the question, but my high school earth science teacher asked a question to the kid in the back who clearly wasn't paying attention, and he responded, 'Uhh, 7.' And my teacher was like, 'Hmmm, a NUMERICAL response. Interesting, but the answer is sedimentary.' Still cracks me up randomly."
10. 'Write what you're thinking. Don't think about what to write.' —English teacher from 20 years ago."
11. "My friend's teacher once told her, 'The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.'"
12. "Biology teacher: 'Hey [classmate], put your phone away before I take it.' Classmate: 'I don't have my phone.' Teacher: 'I observed chimpanzees for three months in order to graduate. I know when you are using your phone.'"
13. "I told him my dream was to be a singer. He said, 'With that voice?' Then he studied my face and said, 'Not with that face either!'" (Ouch!)
14. "My math teacher once told me, 'Don't try to understand math. Just use the formula and calculate.' My math grades actually improved after this wisdom."
15. "A teacher once told me, 'Nobody's going to pay you to stare out a window.' Well, I became an air traffic controller and got paid very well to do just that."
16. "That was a rather astute answer considering you didn't read the book."
17. "High school language arts teacher giving us a lecture on grammar: 'There is a big difference between a man who is hung and a man who is hanged.'"
18. "Questions, comments, concerns? Bribes?"
19. "Never rip a fart bigger than your own ass.' —My geo teacher in sixth grade."
20. "I had a teacher in high school who also played for the SF Giants in the '60s. He once said to me with his loud booming voice, 'If you were as smart as you are loud, you'd be the biggest genius in the room!'"
21. "While in a computer graphics class, the professor was explaining the math behind something, and it was going over our heads a bit, so we started zoning out. He noticed we lost our focus, so he said, 'Come on, guys, it's not rocket science.' And then he paused and thought for a second before continuing, 'Actually, this is used in rocket science, so pay attention!'"
22. "'I have some errands to run while you do your quiz. If, for some reason, you feel the need to cheat on a 12th-grade drama class quiz, you probably have a personal problem I can't help you with.'"
23."'Nothing gets by me. I can hear the grass grow.' —Random substitute teacher."
24. "Put it in your brain and remember it."
25. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you.' That shut my wise ass up for the rest of the class and I still remember it to this day."
26. "My government teacher said, 'If you make the rules, then you will always win.' Oof."
27. 'In a word, no. In two words, no no.' —AP Lit teacher."
28. "My sixth-grade teacher told me I had the attention span of a French fry."
29. And: "Don't be sorry. Be different."
Just say it as you you think, that seems like the answer to most of these
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"Mildew!"
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