Her: "I am NOT old!"
Me: "When you were born the Dead Sea was just sick."
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Your mom is so fat she outweighs the needs of the many. (See Star Trek)
Therapist: Your wife says your never buy her flowers.
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
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I feel like I am already tired tomorrow.
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Wife: [reading Wikipedia out loud] "Contrary to popular belief , the female Black Widow spider
does not always murder and eat her mate. If she has recently been fed, the male is often
allowed to live."
Me: [frantically boiling spaghetti water]
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