Listen frozen meal instructions!
Never in the history of owning microwaves have I ever known the wattage of any microwave.
My dad is vacuuming while chewing sunflower seeds.
He's spitting them out right in front of the vacuum to clean them up as he goes.
I still have so much to learn from this man who gave me life.
I dream of the day when paper-towel manufactures just say how many rolls are in a package, and not how
many hypothetical rolls would be in the package if they were some other hypothetical size.
Why, yes. I could improve my attitude.
However, my insurance does not cover those kinds of meds.
Rage Against the Machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with, but I reckon it was
probably a printer.
One of my favorite things ever is the 300 year gap in Irish inventions after whiskey was invented. (14th-17th centuries)
Me: I bought a gun because of my bird phobia.
Therapist: You might be getting carried away.
Me: *Firing into the ceiling* Not without a fight!
If you ever think your job is pointless there is a guy in Germany putting turn signals on BMWs.