Him: Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit?
Me: He used PrayPal.
Me: He used PrayPal.
mTk's Humor Strikes Again. You've Been Warned!
- Thread starter mTk
- Start date
The only thing Flat-Earthers fear is...sphere itself.
Yesterday I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full".
I thought, "I can't turn that down".
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Things to say that will always start a fight:
- Jazz is just an excuse to play wrong notes.
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Research shows that cats recognize their owners voices, but choose to ignore them.
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I thought, "I can't turn that down".
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Things to say that will always start a fight:
- Jazz is just an excuse to play wrong notes.
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Research shows that cats recognize their owners voices, but choose to ignore them.
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My son just asked just asked me a question which is so unanswerable, that I fear it may rip a hole in the very
fabric of the space time continuum.
"Why is there no mouse flavored cat food?"
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Breakfast whiskey is the most important whiskey of the day.
fabric of the space time continuum.
"Why is there no mouse flavored cat food?"
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Breakfast whiskey is the most important whiskey of the day.
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Did you ever take a nap so good that you thought you missed the school bus?
But it's Sunday and...you're 32.
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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing...while I'm doing it.
But it's Sunday and...you're 32.
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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing...while I'm doing it.
Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen.
Remains to be seen.
Dove chocolate tastes waay better than their soap.
Wife: "Honey? The vacuum isn't sucking!"
Husband: "Frustrating, isn't it?
Husband: "Frustrating, isn't it?
Odysseus: We now set out on our odyssey.
Sailor: [raising hand] What's an odyssey?
Odysseus: A long journey named after the only survivor.
Sailor: Oh, OK. Wait. What?
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Well, just had a "friend" delete and block me from FB. Guy is from France.
We were talking about sports history. He asked me "Who won the first Tour de France."
Apparently the 5th Panzer Division was not the correct answer.
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Doctor: Sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck!
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
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Laundry:
Washing: 40 minutes
Drying: 60 minutes
Putting away: 7-14 business days
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Sailor: [raising hand] What's an odyssey?
Odysseus: A long journey named after the only survivor.
Sailor: Oh, OK. Wait. What?
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Well, just had a "friend" delete and block me from FB. Guy is from France.
We were talking about sports history. He asked me "Who won the first Tour de France."
Apparently the 5th Panzer Division was not the correct answer.
-----
Doctor: Sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck!
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
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Laundry:
Washing: 40 minutes
Drying: 60 minutes
Putting away: 7-14 business days
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Straight up or in pies?
Straight up or in pies?
Please. Of course it was pies. How barbaric do you think mTK is?
Cashier: (scans condoms) Sir, do you need a bag?
Me: No, she isn't that ugly.
Me: No, she isn't that ugly.
Commas are important:
No more tequila.
No, more tequila.
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Just told my kids I'm older than Google.
They think I'm joking.
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Do people that run marathons know they don't have to?
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Did anyone catch the football game at the J-Lo and Shakira concert?
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate fruit jokes...you need to let that mango.
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If you killed someone, what would you do with the body?
Baskin for a friend.
No more tequila.
No, more tequila.
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Just told my kids I'm older than Google.
They think I'm joking.
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Do people that run marathons know they don't have to?
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Did anyone catch the football game at the J-Lo and Shakira concert?
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Ladies, if he can't appreciate fruit jokes...you need to let that mango.
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If you killed someone, what would you do with the body?
Baskin for a friend.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to ask yourself: "Do I want to see it?"
If the answer is yes, it's not on Netflix.
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Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound
hobby of humidifier collecting.
If the answer is yes, it's not on Netflix.
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Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound
hobby of humidifier collecting.